Boundaries Versus Rules

rules and boundaries

We’ve said that we don’t like rules when it comes to weight loss.  Rules regarding what to eat, how to exercise, and the scale.    But just because we don’t like rules doesn’t mean we don’t have boundaries.  We do.

Maybe you’re wondering what the difference is between a rule and a boundary.  Here’s our definition of the two:

Rules are dictated by others (or ourselves) due to preference or the way one thinks something should be done.

Boundaries, on the other hand are predetermined, based on your strengths, weaknesses and circumstances.  

Your boundaries regarding how you eat, exercise, and approach the scale and your body are pre-set, just like a piece of property you purchase.  You don’t get to determine where the boundary lines are.  Instead, you just find out where the boundaries are so that you can stay within them.  The same holds true for you regarding Peace with Food.

Your boundary lines are predetermined by your strengths, your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities, and your tendencies.  Once you know yourself in these categories and use wisdom, you will see your boundary lines very clearly, drawn up for you right before your very eyes.

For example, I know that having bag fulls of chips and packages of cookies and pastries in my pantry would lead to temptation, so I just choose not to have them in my house.  If there is ever an occasion for chips such as a BBQ, I am not against having them, but once that BBQ is over, I don’t want them hanging around.

There are other snacks I like a lot, such as vanilla ice-cream but that don’t tempt me.  Because I am not tempted to indulge in it, having it in the freezer is within my boundaries.

I also know that if don’t allow myself to indulge every now and again, I am setting myself up for disaster.  So my boundaries include opportunities to indulge and enjoy food on special occasions, or when I am feeling the need.  I am not talking about a total binge.  That never gives me peace and always leaves me feeling free.

Do you see how my temptations  and tendencies determined the boundaries for me?  And you can do the same.  It all comes back to knowing yourself.  Once you do you will find that your boundaries are very clear.  Stay within those boundaries and they will guide you to peace.

Your Robynn

 

 

Take home message:  Determine your boundaries and then make plans to stay within them.

 

 

DAY 15- Different Approaches w/ The Scale

love it leave it scale

Everyone is unique, which means we are all motivated by different things. Check out how Lara and Robynn have completely different approaches to setting boundaries with their scales…

Lara’s Approach to the Scale
To be completely honest, often times I have to ask my husband to hide my scale. Yes. HIDE it. I have a complete love/hate relationship with the scale–I love it when it shows me the number I desire–but I hate it any other time. Not to mention, I hate the way it determines my mood for the rest of the day. If I weigh in as soon as I get up and, before I step on the scale I feel great, but then a number flashes that is higher than expected, I instantly go from feeling great to horrible. This not only causes me to be in a bad mood the rest of the day, but my smart eating goes out the window. At that point, I’ve lost all peace because I am FRUSTRATED!! I especially feel this way if I devote several days to being more physically active and then the scale shows no movement or a gain. Talk about wanting to LOSE IT!!

When I can tell I am feeling this way with the scale, I’ve learned I need to step away from it for a while. I know what is required to maintain my weight–I just need to eat in a way that I have peace and continue to stay as active as I do every day. So why throw a scale in the mix and mess with my emotions when I already know what is needed to successfully maintain? And why chance putting myself in a situation that may cause a throw-in-the-towel moment, leading to inactivity and porking out for days?

The scale has too much influence on me…in a bad way. When I start losing peace with it, I go ask my husband to hide it until I feel like I can handle it again. Call me crazy, but that’s what works for me! By not knowing my weight# I actually feel better and make smarter choices on a daily basis. That being said, I do think the scale can be a good “reality check” so I don’t eliminate it from my life entirely. I just don’t let it control me on a daily or weekly basis.

 

Robynn’s Approach to the Scale
My approach to the scale is different than Lara’s.  Whereas, she loses peace if she is around it too much, the scale serves as an accountability partner for me.  Daily I check in with it.  And daily I either get to celebrate or cut my losses and move on.  Stepping on the scale for me gives closure to the past and a new beginning for each day.

That’s what works for me and what gives me peace – my approach.  What’s yours?

Posse DiscussionDo you have a magic weight# in your head of when you think your life will be perfect? How realistic is that number?


The Peace Coaches

 

 

 

Click Here for Day 16!

 

DAY 1- Rate Your Peace

Hey everyone–Happy 2015! Today begins our 30-day PWF challenge, so let’s get started!

If we were to sum up Peace with Food in a word or phrase it would be this:

Follow Peace

But if you’re new to pursuing peace that may be too abstract.  You may be wondering, “What exactly does Follow Peace mean?  What does peace look like?  What does it feel like?”

We’ve come up with a tool, a “peace gauge” if you will, to help you rate your level of peace. Our inspiration came from Lara taking her daughter to the ER where she was shown a chart consisting of different facial expressions, ranging from happy to sad, and numbers to rate her pain.

Below is a similar assessment to help identify your level of peace. Throughout the 30-Day PWF Challenge we will be asking you to rate your peace in different areas:  food, exercise, your body, the scale, etc.  At first it may be challenging to pin point where you fall on the chart, however, you will find that as you continue to practice, you will eventually master this skill.Peace Chart2

We were thrilled to find the peace chart doesn’t just work in the area of food, exercise, and your body, but in other areas of life as well. For example, when Lara becomes overwhelmed with her schedule she stops and asks herself to rate her peace on each of her committments. By identifying what activities are lacking peace she may decide to decline them in the future, or make changes so her peace level goes up.

Believe it or not, learning to follow peace in the area of food will actually help you follow peace in other areas of your life too. That’s right, Peace with Food is transferable, which is why we continue to say that it has literally changed our lives in SO MANY ways!

So let’s begin by rating our peace today…

Posse Discussion: Using the chart above, what #peace would you rate your current relationship with food? (Write the date and your answer in a notebook b/c we will be referring back to this number later)

*If you haven’t started a posse group yet, we encourage you to use the “Posse Discussion” green questions/topics at the bottom of our posts to help facilitate your group discussions. If you don’t have a posse group, please join our group! All you have to do is share your answer by commenting at the bottom of this post or join our facebook page!

 

lara-robynn1 (1)

 

 

 

 

Click here for Day 2!